Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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