you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
