There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize