At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
