Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
