either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
