i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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