she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
