Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
