His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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