girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
