He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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