you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
