Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
