you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
