Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it's like heaven, but drunker
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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