she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
