before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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