i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
