I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
