sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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