My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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