I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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