is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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