Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
