You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
