I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize