eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
