so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
