he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
