I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
