Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
