so that wasnt chicken after all
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
