Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
