I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
