sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I currently don't understand fingers.
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