apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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