Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
