Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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