He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
