happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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