worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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