She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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