I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
