i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
