So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
