wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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