apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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