you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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