i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
