there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
