I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
