I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
