One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
