I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
