a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
