I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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