Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
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