garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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