NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
