I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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