I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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