I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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