I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
