I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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