ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
BRING THE BAGELS
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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