I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize