Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So many bounce houses so little time
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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