i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
