so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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