a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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