In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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