K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
