bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
