He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
